Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
