She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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