It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
