I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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