I wannas sexs uuuuu
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
