Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
