Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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