shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're like the curious george of whores
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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