So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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