Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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