Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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