a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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