Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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