Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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