I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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