Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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