Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
