I just cut my nipple shaving
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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