Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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