my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
