He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
