I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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