My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
