So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
