Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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