In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
