is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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