I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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