I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
