Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
