YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
