Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
handjob tips. give me some.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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