do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize