I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are my feet made of real feet?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
