the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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