no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
