Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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