Sry I called you an 8
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
