Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
