im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
