Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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