never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
