My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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