I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
