so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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