How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
