Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
