It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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