so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
