The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
