I'm laying in your front yard are you home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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