why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
