we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
