I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
