omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.