the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
