Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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