Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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