my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
