never play flip cup with pint glasses
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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