She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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