Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
