You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
