life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
