So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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