Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
