The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
