My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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