I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
