A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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