maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
