Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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