8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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