Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
