By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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