I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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