So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
