Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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